Just Venting

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Sitting in class

Well, i am sitting here, in class, which i was running late too, and now we are just watching videos. Which is ok, but at the same time, i could be spending time with my son and/or getting things done around the house. Granted the video we are watching right now is about Seinfield and it is pretty funny.

But i did hurry out here, and had to deal with traffic. And then i drove around for 25 minutes looking for a parking spot. Which in and of itself is probably the most frustrating part of my school day. I hate parking here on campus. it sucks.

This morning my mom said something that made me feel awful as a mother. I was asking her if I could pick up a few short shifts in the mornings next tue/thur (4am-8am) and she made a comment that i am never home to see my son in the mornings. (Which i'm not). She told me that Logan used to wake up in the morning and go to his door and yell "hi mom!" until someone came and got him. And now he goes to the door and looks down the hall to Grandma's room and hollers "Hi Gram!"... While its cute, it does make me a little sad.

Is it always this depressing when you have to work and leave your child in someone else's care for any portion of the day while you work? I try to spend more time with him when i am home with him. Like today I am going to try and take him to the park and spend some quality time with him. But you know, some days that just doesnt work out. Either i end up with a lot of homework, or there are things to do around the house. And sometimes I am just so tired that i just cant drag my ass outside with him. And then, of course, i feel guilty. Maybe this is normal. But it sucks.

I am considering looking into some sort of preschool/day care for logan. Only part time, but the thought of it really bothers me still. I am mainly thinking about it because babysitting is so hard on my mom. She gets pretty stressed out after babysitting all week and she cant get a whole lot done. Of course, it isnt just logan, it's Devin too. And i understand: my mom already raised her babies. But, in my defense, i didnt sign up for so many classes or take a day job without talking to my mom about it many times before hand. She agreed to it and pushed me to go for it. Get my degree, get a job outside of waiting tables, go for it. So, i am torn. I am trying to find a way to make her "job" less demanding, or more rewarding. I try paying her, or taking her to lunch or buying her a carton of cigarettes. But i dont know if that makes it easier to deal with for her or not.

Well, that is all for today, the teacher's video ended and now its Howard Stern. And she is looking for another video to put in. About children's programming. But i think I am going to take off. I want to have lunch with logan today. So thats all for now, so Good Bye!

Kristie :: 10:58 AM :: 3 comments links to this post

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