Just Venting

Monday, September 11, 2006

I was going to post today about what i did this day, 5 years ago. Today, some channels re-aired the footage they showed from 9-11-01. I actually wanted to watch it. As sad and terrible as the images are, i wanted to watch it and remember. I wanted to relive the way I felt when I watched it all on TV for the 1st time 5 years ago. All the previous anniversaries, i wasnt really ready to watch it, but this time around i was. My memories are getting more and more clouded as time goes on and I wanted to refresh them. So I would never forget. But i didnt get to watch the progams i wanted b/c i had to work today and after that, i played with Logan and Devin until logan's bedtime. (which btw, went great- he went right down. 2 nites in a row!).

But after regretting for a moment that i was unable to watch the things on tv i had wanted to, i realized that i DO remember. I remember quite well what i was doing, who i called, who i talked to and how i felt. And i felt grateful that I am still here to remember. And that i am luckier than some on this day of remembering because i did not lose anyone close to me. But i think that we, as a nation, lost our sense of invincibility that day.

I spent 9-11-01 glued to my couch watching the tv. At some point around 11am, i finally changed out of my pajamas. I had brought my comforter out to the couch with me when my boyfriend called to wake me to tell me to go turn on the news. After i got dressed, i wrapped myself back up in the comforter and spent the day waiting for him to come home from work, two-waying back and forth with him and our friend James. (who was originally from there. Who's dad was a cop there for years before they moved to FL) He was so much more shaken than I was. I had that zombie thing going on, while he was rambling on that "the towers wont ever fall. they just cant." and when they did, he began to cry a little and got off the phone with me to call his Grandmother who lived in NY (but not near the towers). I actually had to go into work that nite at the restaurant i work at. Driving to work was like driving thru a ghost town. No one was out. Everyone was at home watching the news. We tried convincing our manager to close, but he refused. We did very little business that nite. When i came home, i went right back to watching the news. I think i came out of the tv-zombie phase sometime the next afternoon.

That day is etched in my mind. It most certainly was a defining point for the United States. Things are "before 9-11" and "after 9-11" now.

It makes me appreciate what i have and who i have in my life. I appreciate the love I have in my life and that i am here to enjoy it. That my loved ones are here to enjoy it. That i am alive and well and so is my son and everyone else that i love. Since that day, i have made it a goal to not leave things badly. Even if i am fighting with my boyfriend, even if the argument hasnt been resolved completely, we try to at least say we love each other when we go. I dont always succeed. But most of the time, whenever someone leaves, or i leave, we say goodbye to each other nicely and usually throw in an "I love you", because you just never know.

I wonder about how i will tell my son about this day when he is older. Especially when he is learning about it in school. I will know how my parents felt when i would ask them about things i would learn about that they remembered and lived thru. How some things are remembered so clearly, but are so hard to convey to a young teenager who knows nothing about tragedy or suffering in the world or understands the scope of things in the world.

I really dont know what else to say about it.

I remember. And i wont forget.

Kristie :: 11:13 PM :: 1 comments links to this post

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