Monday, August 07, 2006
summer is almost over
Where has the summer gone? I start school again on the 21st. its coming up fast. faster than i want it to. I still need to take advantage of this time off and go to the beach and the gym and to sort thru all my stuff...what have i been doing all this time?
I have been feeling a little down this last week or so and i am not exactly sure what sparked it. Of course, it doesnt really need to have a specific cause because, regardless of the reason, i have been feeling a little low. Maybe it is because now that Joe has moved out of our old place, i know this is where i live, and i really dont have anywhere else to go stay. Before Joe moved, i could just go crash there a night or two if i wanted. But now, he is renting a single room. A room he shares with Logan when he has him. Not really any room for me. It has made me feel sort of trapped here at my parents house. Dont get me wrong, i do like it here. its a nice big house with a nice big yard and my parents and i get along alright. (we have our normal irritations with each other, but thats normal. at least with us it is.) but its not mine
. I have no real control or say over anything here. I have to listen to their rules. They are much much neater people than me and therefore, i get told to pick up my messes all the time. And half the time, i dont even know what mess they are talking about, because i just dont see it as a mess. The reason i feel trapped also has to do with the fact that before joe and I separated, i went back to school. we came up with a plan for me to finish my bachelors and to do that, i cut back at work and worked out an agreement with my mom for babysitting. So that means i make crap for money. (especially with the arthritis thing- i am not serving as much so i am making even less money!) And that means i can not afford to live on my own. Not if i want to finish school at least. My classes interfere with any possible work schedule. Plus i dont have babysitting for when i work. A work shift is at least 5 hours. school is no more than 3 hours. my mom is ok with 3, but not 5. And the school is during the day where as work is usually at night. Again, mom is cool with the days but not the nights. And now Joe's job has him working for the next 2 weeks from 4pm-midnight, so that totally screws up everything for me. my mom says she wont sit so i can work (she could change her mind and if she doesnt, my sister offered to help). Since joe and i separated, they do nothing if they think it is benefiting him. according to my parents- he left me so he left the privledges of this family too. except that we are not over and done with, he is still a part of my family and most importantly --its not him they are screwing by not helping me- its me! If joe doesnt have a job, logan wont have health insurance. and once joe learns how to manage his money better, that will mean more money for both logan and me to start receiving. His job is not forgiving in any way. My job is. i have no bills (not really at least)....
anyway. i am just being retarded. I am also STILL on hold with GEICO. They are taking forever to get to me and its starting to piss me off. i have never waited on hold this long with them. arggghhh. Good news today- logan took a nap. with relatively little fuss. and bedtime was similar- no real fuss. I love it when he is good. ;) makes my day so much smoother and less stressful.
So anyway- i am taking 14 credit hours this coming semester. (4 classes). i havent taken that many in quite some time. The most i took was last spring and that was 3 classes (9credits). And that was tough. I am sure i will do ok, but i am still starting to get nervous. cant help it.
this is long enough and makes no sense, so i will leave it at this. maybe i will edit it tomorrow.
10:45 PM ::
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