Just Venting

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

happy pills

Well, Studying went ok today. I figured out all my grades and i only need to make an 80 on all my exams to still get A's in all 3 of my classes. So thats a little less stress for me. I am so proud of myself for my grades this semester. Yae, go me! I still have some reading i need to get done, and my 1st final is tomorrow nite. then wed, i have another and my online class's exam is due by the 27th. I think i will do good, but i know i will feel better once its all over with. Lucky for me, i am not one of those people who freak out over tests. I remain calm as usual taking tests. The way i look at it: i either know the material or I dont and at the moment i am taking the test, there is nothing i can do to change that. I also picked up some good test taking techniques over the years to make things go even smoother. Maybe i should be a tutor for other students. (students like my sister, who tend to freak out on test day. i could teach them tricks to stay calm and focused and use their studying time effectively.) I wish last nite hadnt been so bad, i lost a few hours of good study time.

Why am i not studying now? B/c i am over it for today. Enough is enough, ijust cant absorb anymore right now. Plus, about a 1/2 hour ago i took a happy pill (or a sleepy pill, whatever you wanna call it) and my concentration is nill. ( yes i self-medicated, but i dont care and i rarely do it anyway. No nagging please ;) Tonight is the 2nd night for logan in his "big-boy bed" and it went amazing well compared to last nite. Before, in his crib, he would stay up doing whatever until he passed out around 1030. (we put him down around 830 usually). tonight i let him play outside til about 7 and then we took a late bath (around 830). I started a new bedtime ritual: we read a book in bed together. Sort of. i read about 4 pages and then he turned the pages so fast i quickly just made up the rest. But then he went to bed, and altho he was up alot, opening and shutting the door, siting in his arm chair and whatnot, he passed out on his bed at about 1030. No meltdowns, no hysterics. Maybe i am not the worst mom afterall. (see 2 posts ago) (too tired to link it, sorry- its a lame post anyway and just shows how pathetic i can be sometimes.)

Well...i still havent called any mental health professionals in my area, but i have resolved to do so by the end of this week. My arms and legs look HORRIBLE. its unreal what i am able to do to myself without realizing it. Oh--i got my easter pics, but i havent loaded them on to the 'puter yet, so those will be up probably tomorrow. (well technically later today).

man, i like these happy pills. i dont feel any of the stress and anxiety and no need to pick. And i think i may actually go to sleep soon. I wonder if i can get the doctor i finally go see to prescribe me something like this in the interim of treatment. You know, until we can figure out how i can control myself and my feelings without pharmacological help. ( i think i spelled that wrong, but sorry, no desire to fix it right now). Well...I am off to sleepy land, so Good nite and good luck to me on my exam tomorrow. i will let you know how i think it went.

(man, looking back at my recent posts, you people who actually read this have got to think i am one bi-polar individual. i am all over the place. I really need help so i can get back on track. definitely on the to do list.)

oh, i made a button for my site if anyone wants to use it (ya know to link to me with it...ya right, i have oh so many readers, but i thought it was neat, so oh well), go ahead.
ok, ok: Good nite. See you around on the blog-o-sphere.

Kristie :: 12:22 AM :: 2 comments links to this post

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