Just Venting

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

word funnies

My mom emailed me this today: Enjoy...

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extracredit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web. (my favorite....see below)

Hahaha....The last one reminds me of my sister (she is sooo afraid of spiders)

One day, my youngest sister was out driving in my mom's old convertible lebaron. (the top was up at the time) and i guess a spider appeared. So she thought she would be brave and just kill it herself, so she rolled up some paper and smacked it. It must have been her lucky day, because then the car was filled with thousands of baby spiders...looks like the spider she killed was a momma...Luckily my sister was on our road, where she promptly came to a screeching halt in the road, threw it in park, got out and freaked. (i am sure it was a major arachnoleptic fit). She was crying and hyperventilating and she ran up to a neighbor's house, but they werent home, so she went to the road again and cried some more. Then she tried another neighbor's house, knocked and when she didnt receive an answer right away she started to cry some more. THen the door opened, and out walked DeeDee. (whom we didnt know, but my parents had met once or twice). DeeDee saw that my sister was a complete mess, brought her inside (remember, my sister doesnt know this woman, but she followed this perfect stranger into her house), made her tea and calmed her down and found out what all the crying was about. (the car is still running in the road, with the door wide open). So DeeDee grabs a can of bug spray and nukes the car, rolls down the windows and turns it off. She sits with my sister for a bit and then decides its time for her to go. My sister of course wont go anywhere near the car, so DeeDee drove it home while my sister walked along side it (a whole 3 houses away). What a nice lady. I dont think my sister got back in that car. ever. (and the reason she didnt run staight home was because no one was home to help her). DeeDee and her husband are wonderful people who we are friends with now, btw. And my sister is still petrified of spiders.

Kristie :: 3:07 PM :: 5 comments links to this post

Post a Comment